Ohlalalalaala! Tell me something that I do not already know. The almost never ending drama between a bride and her mother in law. Even when it seems like they are besties, there is always that cold war that sometimes emanates when you are just about to tie the knot or somewhere along the line. For me, I would rather have the drama long before I get into the marriage for 2 reasons; to enable me decipher if I can take on the heat should it continue and secondly, since it all started early, that it will calm down sometime in the marriage for me to enjoy my man.
I have heard so many conversations with people long married before me and they will always say to you, do you have the support of your husband’s mother? What is her personality like? Once it sounds like we are good, they are almost not interested in the drama that could be coming from other members of the family. To them, that is almost unimportant if his mother has your back which worries me because it seems like once the mother turns her back on you, you are about to experience the worst marriage ever. In plain terms, your marriage is headed for an epic fail. I also spoke to a few young women and based on that conversation, I thought to make a case for brides to be.
As one looking to be married someday *smiles*, I thought I should let the mother in laws in on the ‘power’ that they hold and what our expectations are from them especially as they are women like we are who must have desired peace in their marriages and can at least understand that, marriage is not an easy journey especially as women. Secondly, as a Christian, divorce is not to be encouraged. So, for our mothers who are also Christians, they can help to ensure that the home is not destroyed.
So, dear mother in laws, what does your daughter in law expect from you;
- Take your daughter in law as your own biological daughter. I mean scratch that in law and treat her the same way you would treat your own child: As a mother, if your daughter came home complaining of some troubles that she was going through in her marriage or you accidentally stumbled on it, what would be your reaction? When you must have given it a good deep thought and arrive at the conclusion that you will be unhappy, it becomes your responsibility to ensure that your daughter in law does not experience same so that her own mother will not be unhappy. If you feel that a treatment meted out on your own daughter will cause her to experience sorrow, do not do the same to your daughter in law or do not even tolerate it from anyone who does it to her.
- Let your children know that your son’s wife is also their sibling: I hear that sometimes it is the boy’s sisters that bring the drama to the girl and try to bully her but guess what? Even some brother in laws can be so petty and pretty dramatic and it could stem out from their wives because I do not wish to believe that men have the time for the cat fight. So, call your biological children to order and teach them the importance of respect and love. Loving unconditionally and respecting every human being. I guess with love in their hearts, they can begin to love the one who they will call sister in law. In the same way, let the children speak to their partners letting them understand that the love and unity which exists among them as siblings must extend to their partners.
- Avoid story telling: If you have an issue with your daughter in law or you feel like she is a tad too much, you may want to tell your son so that he can at least be on the look and address his wife. However, let it be what it is especially if you already have a relationship with the lady. Feel free to call her to order if you feel she is out of line but do so out of love. Do not feel the need to instigate a fight between your son and his wife because then, no man wants to hear his mother was disrespected. He will act out and that could lead to the end of the marriage. It will be better that you tell him she is not the one for him on time if you are genuinely sure not after the wedding day. This could really cause conflicts and destroy the marriage.
- Allow your son to run his home as a man and allow the woman to be the woman of her home.: You are always welcome to visit but do not feel the need to Lord your opinion on the woman. You can advise because as a mother, you have seen most of it but, presentation and tone is very important. You have got to say it in such a way that she doesn’t begin to feel like you are about to control her life or marriage.
- Be prayerful: Rather than stir up so much tension between your son and his wife or become the Voltron, fighting battles that are unnecessary, go on your knees as a mother where you think there is a problem and pray. Let God step in and unfold the eyes of your son if he is blind. Let God give your son’s wife a child if she is barren not going to find him a wife. Let God arrest your son’s wife if she has a bad attitude not harassing and bullying her. Let God while you do the praying.
I hope to be a mother in law someday and pray to be the mother in law that I desire. Hence, let every young girl reading this not just nod in agreement but work towards becoming the mother in law that they all wished they had or that they desire to have.